September 5 (Wednesday)
Foreshadowing
We awoke on Wednesday to find ourselves facing our first truly gray and dreary day. This was unfortunate, since we were going to be out on the water all day, but given that we were visiting during the rainy season it wasn't totally unexpected. We grabbed some breakfast at a nearby bar and I had what might be the worst cup of coffee I'd ever tasted. With a whole mess of cream and sugar I managed to push the needle just past potable.
After breakfast we went back to the hotel to wait for the minibus that would take us to the dock. The driver ended up running about 10 minutes late, a delay further compounded by the fact that the guests at the next stop were nowhere to be found. It probably took another 10 minutes to find them, which gave me time to notice that there were a lot of signs with Cyrillic writing in Phuket. I looked it up later and it turns out that Thailand is a popular tourist destination for Russians.
Middle Eastern Humor
A few stops later we picked up a very friendly Lebanese couple. We did the whole "How are you doing? Where are you from?" thing and found out that they were on their honeymoon. They then spent some time speaking in Arabic with the rest of the passengers, after which the husband turned to me and informed us that we were in trouble. He paused just long enough for our confusion to show before explaining with a smile that everyone else on the bus was Iranian. He then joked that he hoped we'd brought a gun.
The rest of the trip to the dock was largely uneventful, though we did stop and pick up a guy who clearly wasn't a tourist. He said a prayer over a small flower garland and then swapped it for the wilted one that was around the minibus's rear-view mirror. He explained that it was for good luck with the weather.
One Big Happy Family
Once we arrived at the dock we were given a briefing by our tour guide, Usa (though he said "Musa" would be fine too). He was good with the corny tour guide humor, which helped keep the safety and schedule briefings from being excessively dry, but he also let everybody know up front that today we were one big family and that if you happened to have beef with some other country that this wasn't the time or place. If that was going to be an issue you could go book your own tour.
Our first stop was at a beach on Naka Island. There weren't any real organized activities here, so people did their own thing which, in our case, largely consisted of walking up and down the beach people-watching. We got to see a bunch of the Russians and Australians make a beeline for the bar, some women wearing niqabs riding jet skis, and some Iranian dudes taking some brotographs (we're talking a waist-deep in water, standing back-to-back gunshow).
Feeding Time
Once we were back on the ship it was time for lunch, which was provided by the tour. It was a pretty good spread which included Thai food along with more Western options like fried chicken. Despite the size of the tour group it never descended into a feeding frenzy, which was nice. By the time lunch was over we were pretty much at our next destination: sea kayaking.
The tour had been kind of ambiguous about how this part worked, so I was anticipating a lot of folks flipping themselves over, but it turned out that we just had to sit back while a guy navigated the kayak through caves and canyons in an island out in the middle of nowhere. It was pretty great.
On the way to the next stop our new Lebanese friend decided to teach me a few Arabic phrases, quote, "in case Hezbollah invades." I was starting to get used to Middle-Eastern humor.
"Curse You, Merciful Poseidon!"
In order to get to the next few stops on the tour we had to transfer to smaller boats. This all went smoothly until we got got about 10 minutes away from the main boat, at which point the sky just opened up. The boats had awnings, but with the wind and rain being as strong as they were it didn't help at all. There were some trees along the nearby shore, so we pulled the boats up alongside there so we didn't capsize. Once we'd weathered the worst of it they turned us around and headed back to the main boat, canceling the stops we were about to make (which actually wasn't that big of a deal, because they sounded mostly like an opportunity to try to sell us stuff).
At this point the only real stop left was the headliner: James Bond Island. Usa said that he'd take anyone who still wanted to go, but most people had apparently had enough. I figured that we couldn't get any wetter than we already were, so what the hell, let's do it. We climbed onto the smaller boat that would ferry us to shore and cast off, only to find out that one couple had changed their mind at the last minute. We had to pull back alongside the boat to let them hop in, but after that we were off for real.
A few minutes later we pulled up on the beach and got to see the island made famous by The Man with the Golden Gun. It was still gray and drizzling, but at least we didn't have to fight the crowds to take pictures. As soon as everyone had a chance to snap a few photos we got on the boat and headed back. On the way we saw a big reptilian head some ways off in the water. Usa explained that it was a monitor lizard and that happening across one is supposed to be good luck.
International Incident
That wrapped up all the stops on the tour and the trip back to Phuket was pretty uneventful with two exceptions. First, one of the Iranian bros had apparently heard that we were American. He came up to us and, after confirming that, asked us why Obama said that he and his friends were terrorists. I had no response for that and Charlie hadn't caught the word "terrorist" and was doing the ol' nod-and-smile. The conversation hung for a moment as I filled Charlie in, but then he busted out what had to be about the absolute best answer to that question: our governments may disagree, but there is no reason we shouldn't be friends. The Iranian guy must have thought that was a good answer too, because he smiled, shook our hands, and said that that made us friends.
Hips Don't Lie
The other, less international-incident-y event on the ride back was the entertainment: Two of the ship's crew dressed up in drag and spent probably a half hour dancing to Shakira. Craziest part? They were good.
Getting Home
Once we made it back to the pier we found out that the van that was supposed to take us back to Patong wasn't coming because of flooding (thanks for nothing, lucky monitor lizard). It was starting to sound like it was going to be a bit of an ordeal because the story kept changing. First we were told that the van was going to show up, then that some other van was coming, and then that they'd just call us a bunch of taxis. Thankfully, after maybe 10 minutes of sitting around a van rolled up and we were on our way.
Once we got back we grabbed dinner at a Belgian / Finnish restaurant that Charlie saw earlier in the day and then headed for bed, because tomorrow was going to be a long day.